God's Plan For Marriage

Notes for the Ekklesia Meeting
Sundays @ 10:00 a.m. Info: (651) 283-0568 www.dtminc.org Today’s Date: November 20, 2005

God’s Plan For Marriage
by Dan Trygg

"And Pharisees came up to Him and tested Him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?’ 4 He answered, ‘Have you not read that the One creating them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, “‘Therefore a person shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will be unto one flesh’”, 6 with the result that no longer are they two, but one flesh? What therefore God has joined together, let not a person leave.’"
Matthew 19:3-6

Leaving Capernaum, Jesus crossed the Sea of Galilee and seems to have traveled down the eastern side of the Jordan and crossed over, having come “unto the region of Judea across the Jordan”. (Since Judea lay entirely on the west side of the Jordan, to refer to it as “the region across the Jordan” only makes sense if your point of reference were from the eastern side. This was a very popular route for pilgrims from Galilee to Jerusalem, since they could then avoid traversing the country of Samaria. The Samaritans were often very inhospitable to Jerusalem-bound travelers.) Matthew reports that many crowds followed after Him, and He healed them there.

While all of this activity was going on, the Pharisees came near to Him. Testing Him, they said, “Is it permitted to a person to divorce his wife according to every cause?” Matthew says they were “testing” or “tempting” Him, because they were trying to manipulate Him into saying something they could use against Him. At the time, there were two very distinct positions on this matter, which were proposed by different rabbis and promoted by their followers.

Hillel and Shammai had lived in Palestine during the reign of King Herod the Great (37-4BC). They were both respected rabbis of great influence. Both gathered students in schools that studied and carried on the insights and perspectives of their respective masters. The followers of Shammai took the strict position that divorce was not to be permitted at all, except in the case of immorality. The school of Hillel, by contrast, took the very liberal position that divorce could be had for any cause at all (Note the language used is contained in the Pharisee’s question, a clear reference to the teachings of this school.). Hillel had taught that a man could divorce his wife over any incident of displeasure, at all. If she burnt his breakfast, if she was too noisy, or if there was any disharmony, or even if the husband was simply tired of her, or if another, prettier woman came along, the followers of Hillel taught that he was within his rights to divorce her. This teaching of “easy divorce” was much more popular (as it is in our culture today), though it was abhorrent to the more conservative Jews. The Pharisees thought that no matter how Jesus would answer their question, they would be able to use His comment to impeach His credibility.

These rabbis thought they were teaching what was good in God’s eyes, and that a man doing what they advised would still be considered righteous before Him. These rabbinical schools were purporting to be “interpreting the Torah”. The debate centered around Deut. 24:1, "When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house…”. The debate centered around the word “indecency” (literally, “nakedness” or “shameful exposure”). The followers of Shammai emphasized the sexual connotation involved in the word, and reasoned that it referred to some kind of sexual immorality. The followers of Hillel emphasized the first reason given (i.e., that she “finds no favor in his eyes”), and interpreted the “indecency” to be whatever the husband felt was inappropriate, leaving it wide open to whatever whim might set him at odds with his wife. Among the Jews, certainly it was a man’s world. Women did not even have the right to divorce their husbands. The most an unhappy wife could do was make life so miserable for her husband that he would be irritated and fed up enough to give her the divorce she wanted.

Jesus’ response, however, was not as His enemies were expecting. Rather than taking one position or the other, the Lord went back to the original plan for marriage. In their squabbling over the details and legalities of divorce, they had forgotten what God’s intent for marriage was. They were so busy trying to decide when it was legitimate to leave the marriage pact, they had not understood the potential behind why God had ordained it in the first place. He or she who leaves the marriage misses out on what God had in His mind. “Have you not read that the One creating them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, “‘Therefore a person shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will be unto one flesh’” Jesus is not talking to people who were unschooled in the OT. He knew that they would remember that God had said it was not good for the man to be alone, so He made a helper (an ally) corresponding to him, someone who could bring strengths and abilities to compliment his so that together they could accomplish God’s will. This was the Creator’s idea. It was He, the One creating all things, who decided to make this helper from the man’s own side, so that she would be bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. It was His plan that they leave their families of origin and establish a new household of their own. He joined them together so that they might come to be one flesh. The thrust of that statement is not that they would become one at the point of marriage, or at the moment of their sexual union. “One flesh” is the goal of the marriage relationship. The language indicates that it takes time to develop that. Their commitment and union is to develop oneness. The end result should be that they are no longer two individuals, but a one-flesh team. Jesus’ next statement is very telling, “What God has yoked together, let no one separate/depart from”. Like two draft animals yoked together as a team, the husband and wife have work to do. They must learn to work together as a team. To do that effectively, they need to learn to accommodate each other, to pay attention to and respond to each other’s peculiar ways and style. Divorce runs counter to the plan. It is going the wrong direction. God has great blessings for those who will work hard toward oneness.

Trying to escape the conclusion to which Jesus was directing them, the Pharisees asked, “Why, then, did Moses command us to give a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Toward the hardness of your hearts Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Moses actually was fighting against the rampant immorality which was commonly accepted by the nations around Israel. It was not uncommon for husbands to divorce wives at a whim, and often take them back in a day or two. Moses required that a man obtain a certificate of divorce, a legal document obtained in front of respected elders of the city in the public court, which was at the city gate. This gave the husband pause. Did he really wish to go through all that because he was momentarily angry at his wife? Many so-called divorce cases never went beyond a threat stage because of Moses’ law. Secondly, this certificate of divorce was a statement freeing the wife from the husband so that she would be able to marry another. This protected her rights and her security, since women rarely could earn a living as a wage earner in that society. Finally, if you read the first four verses of Deut. 24, you will see that another purpose for this commandment was to stop the practice of wife-swapping, which also was quite common. By making it impossible to remarry the woman after she marries another, this law once again eliminated frivolous divorce, and protected the woman from being passed around from man to man. It was the hardness of men’s hearts that had caused this misuse of women and necessitated some protection under the law for women. Again, this was not God’s original plan. Moses’ commandment was actually given to motivate people to stay in their marriages, not get out of them. It was designed to slow down rampant, whimsical divorce.

Finally, Jesus comes out and declares that anyone who would divorce his wife and marry another commits adultery. Jumping through accepted civil or even religious hoops does not change the motives of the heart, or the breaking of the covenant made between the original partners. Please, understand that Jesus is not talking about whether or not a divorced person can ever remarry. He is confronting the shallow religious sham that was being practiced by the people of His day, and by people of our time. He is championing marriage. He is attempting to get us to not disregard or devalue the covenant nor the purpose of marriage (cf. Mal. 2:13-16). God has given us a relationship which is to be unique from all others. It is the joining of two people, yoked together to become a team to accomplish God’s will in the world. The partners rub on each other, shape each other and teach each other, if they are of a mind to receive from each other. Marriage calls us to die to self, to learn to love. Marriage is also the place where God ordained children be raised and nurtured. It is the one place where God says sexual activity is good and healthy. We see around us the devastating effects of when the value and importance of marriage are ignored. Casual sex produces venereal diseases, emotional wounding, unwanted pregnancies. Divorce and single parents are the largest cause of poverty in our country. Children growing up without two parents often have great difficulties. Society suffers, as a whole, from a low view of marriage. God’s way would spares us from these dreadful consequences, and would provide a relationship of stability, support, partnership and encouragement for those who can accept each other and truly become a team in God’s will.

The disciples heard what Jesus said, and they were shocked. Their response was, “If this is the case between a man and a woman, it is better not to marry.” In other words, “If divorce is not an option, then it is not beneficial to marry.” This is not at all what Jesus was saying. This reveals that they were so used to using the threat of divorce as a club, or they saw it as an escape if things got too bad at home, that deprived of that as an option they were feeling, “Oh, no! What have I gotten myself into?” Interestingly, Jesus did not feed into that. Instead, He said not everyone can live as unmarried, single person. That is the alternative. Otherwise, embrace God’s plan. Work at being joined to your wife and becoming one.